An office printer in Nottingham has printed off a required run of pages without stopping halfway to complain about a lack of ink or getting jammed with paper, reports say.

The printer completed the surprise feat this afternoon, when office administrator, Gareth Bailey, needed to print off some handouts for a presentation.

‘I couldn’t fucking believe my eyes,’ he told us. ‘I pressed the “Print” button on the computer screen an expected to click through another set of error messages. But they never came. Normally the little bastard whines and judders around like a malfunctioning vibrator from the 1960s. Or it’ll tell me there’s no connection, even though it’s fucking plugged in with a fucking wire.’

‘But this time there was nothing. No paper jam, no warning lights… no stopping after nine pages. It was great! I printed off seventy eight pages with no problems.’

Boss, Davina Montrose, told us, ‘usually I arrive in after lunch to see Gareth leaning over the printer with tears welling in his eyes, or sat looking out of the window like Nelson Mandela in prison.’

‘But today he was grinning from ear to ear. He almost hugged me!’

The company has already received a congratulatory phone call from the local Chamber of Commerce, while rumours that the Government are interested in the printer also appear to have been confirmed.

Government spokesperson, Isobel Frangelini, said, ‘Her Majesty’s Government congratulates the employees of said company. I can confirm that we are sending a team of experts to the scene as we speak, to examine the machine and try to learn its secrets.’

‘For the sake of National Security, we may even have to seize the printer and reverse engineer it. We haven’t had a decent printer in the House of Commons since the 1990s.’

Mr Bailey wasn’t fussed at the idea of losing the printer.

‘I don’t care anymore. I’m just going to go home now and make love to my wife.’

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