A man has outwitted the private seller of a second hand car listed online, in what many are calling the “deal of the century”.
Ali Butt, 45, walked away from the successful transaction feeling like some sort of business genius, leaving many to speculate whether he’d apply for The Apprentice, or just start his own Fortune 500 company.
Witness, Pauline Higgins, from across the road, told us, ‘he swaggered around the car for a bit, tapping at the little scratches and dings, and then shaking his head at the slightly worn tread on the tyres. Then he asked to see the engine before poking it a bit with a finger.’
‘Then the tense negotiations began. He started off really low – like, stupidly low – claiming the car was about to fall apart and that it’d never pass its MOT. He then claimed it needed a new fan belt, which costs thousands, and that the oil was too black or some bollocks like that.’
Local Mayor, Dick Tunnicliffe, hailed Mr Butt as a national hero, while others have called for the Government to create a Bank Holiday in his name.
‘What Mr Butt has done,’ the Mayor told us, ‘is put this place on the map once again. He’s shown everyone what a fucking amazing guy he is. It’s an anecdote he’ll be dining off for years to come.’
Local shop-owner, Joyce McGuff, told us, ‘I’ll be keeping an eye out for Ali in future. He could sell coal to Newcastle. What a clever little fucker he is!’
The seller of the car, Darren, said, ‘from the start he was trying to play some sort of game. There’s nothing wrong with the car, just a few scratches to the paintwork. But he was making out like I was selling him a broken-down piece of shit.’
‘In the end, I agreed to knock fifty quid off the price just to get rid of him. and so I don’t have to deal with dickhead alpha-males like him anymore.’
Mr Butt told us, ‘I can’t believe what an idiot that guy was! I played a blinder mate. I’m a fucking superstar, a certified genius. My wife is well-impressed too. She hasn’t said anything yet but I can just tell. Maybe I’ll start my own car dealership, or open a bank or something.’
‘First though, I’m going to go home and have a wank.’