Girl from Eastbourne refuses to relinquish high-seat even as other children fight to remove her

A 2 year-old from Eastbourne, Sussex, continues her unwavering determination to hold onto the high-seat around the dining table, despite the protests of pretty much everyone else in the room.

Theresa, brandishing her safety fork, has held the position for longer than anyone cares to remember, despite being one of the most hated children. Since being given the position only temporarily, tiny Theresa has taken to gripping the sides of the chair with her little fists and screaming at the top of her lungs if anyone goes near her.

Fellow toddler, Michael, admitted he didn’t know what he could do to get her out of the prized plastic chair. “She’s had her go, now its my turn,” he moaned. “It’s not fair. Nobody even likes her.”

“I’m going to tell on her. I am. Just you wait and see.”

Another, Jacob, was a little more prosaic about the situation, telling us, “she’s got to relinquish power eventually. I’ve taken to throwing hoola hoops at her but they just seem to bounce off her bonce. She doesn’t even blink.”

Adult, Pete Jenkins, watching over the kids admitted he had no idea what was going on. “She’s fucking barmy. All the other kids want her head on a pike, but she just sits there like a bloody rock, staring at the wall. Every time I try to encourage her to climb down she just throws food at the wall and drools.”

“She’s taking the piss. I need to go home and have a lie down, but this shit never seems to end.”

Little Andrea rambled nonsensically, “She doesn’t even have a mummy, so she doesn’t know how to use that chair properly. I have a mummy so I have the proper experience.”

Other toddler, Boris, told us, “the problem is, even if she wasn’t there, none of us can agree on who should get the chair. We all want it, and no one will be happy to see someone else in there. It’s funny, but her being there is probably the only thing stopping us all fighting each other on the carpet.”

“I’m waiting quietly at the side to pounce as soon as she gives it up. But then again, everyone hates me too, so I’m probably going to fuck it all up worse than her.”

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