In the wake of Conservative victory at the polls, many horrified bystanders were gobsmacked at how a racist, misogynistic, homophobic aristocrat – with the middle name of DePfeffel – managed to persuade ordinary working people that he actually cares about them – despite previously calling them “feckless” and saying that a certain amount of inequality was good for society.

The obvious answer to anyone who had been taking notice might have been the way the mainstream media helped the party win.

However, many political commentators have hit back against the allegation.

Tilly Whiteface of The Terrygraph said, ‘this is all a complete load of tosh. I didn’t go to Oxford to have such silly codswallop thrown at me by horrible, nasty poopy heads.

‘I have a horse don’t you know.’

Rupert Smythe of the Sunn agreed. ‘It’s just the metropolitan liberal elite isn’t it? Moaning because they lost the election. Its got nothing to do with the mockups we put on the front page of our paper every day for the last three years, calling Jeremy Corbyn a traitor and a wimp.’

‘It’s because socialism is dead. Everyone’s equal these days aren’t they. We don’t have poverty anymore.’

Polly Unsat of the Guardian told us, ‘the media didn’t influence anything. Nothing at all. Labour’s loss had absolutely zilch to do with the six thousand articles I wrote slagging Corbyn off for being a male, or the disproportionate obsession my colleagues had about anti-semitism in the party.’

‘It also had nothing to do with the fact that our paper has oozed like a slug into the centre ground over the last few years and can’t stand the idea of working people being represented by socialists who might actually give a fuck.

‘Anyway, can’t chat. I’ve got to go back to my townhouse and brood over my next novel. Its about a girl who finds herself caught between her post-feminist beliefs and her love of arthouse retro punk French cinema. Or something.’

The Maily Dail were contacted for interview but all we heard down the phone was the faint sound of Adolf Hitler talking and someone having a wank.